A Thousand Word Picture

Luke shared this with me tonight. He recently wrote a memoir in his senior English class and is letting me share his very personal journey with anyone reading this. 

A Thousand Word Picture

by: Luke Rogers

            It’s kind of weird starring at your naked arm knowing it’s never going to look the same in about five seconds. The first touch of that stinging needle injecting ink into my skin was the most regretful moment of my life. It wasn't the pain or the strange looking guy awkwardly grabbing and positioning my body, it was the thick line permanently curving up my arm towards my shoulder that had me thinking twice. Once I started there was no way that I was about to stop, all I could do to reassure myself was hope and pray that I would look like a badass when it was all over. Luckily I already do so it couldn't take away from anything anyways! It took about two hours for the artist to get done drawing on me, by that time I was pretty much done being poked by sharp mechanical needles for the day. I was so excited to see the finished design on my arm, but my mom peeking over me to see it and having a completely blank stare on her face, then faking a smile and saying “it looks good” kind of had me worried. My parents are not a fan of tattoos. I walked over to the mirror bracing myself for the new look of my right arm. I was right; it totally made me look like a badass!

            One day on my way home I got the strangest phone call I could have ever gotten. My friend Bear called and was asking about my little brother Bobby. He was freaking out asking if he was alright, so I said “Yea man he’s fine”. Then I asked why he was so freaked out, he said “Well Tiffany died in a car accident last night and they said Bobby was in there”. I was in shock; I had already tried calling Bobby that morning to see how his night went. All I could say was “I’ll have to call you back” I was so worried about him. I couldn't even hang up because my hands were shaking so much. I tried to call Bobby twice and I was so frustrated not knowing what was going on because he still didn't answer. He always answers me. I was going down eagle road as fast as my truck would go, I was in a panic. When I came around the corner to my street I just saw cars, and all of them were familiar. They were on both sides of the road as far down as you could see. This made my heart sink lower than I thought possible; at that point I knew something had happened to Bobby. I parked in the middle of the road not even caring what I was doing and ran to my front door. My dad was watching for me, everyone was. Nobody wanted to tell me what had happened I knew it. He met me out side before I got through the front yard, all I could do was stare at his face, I had never seen this look on anybody’s face in my life. I stopped and I stood an awkward ten feet away from him because I couldn’t move. I looked straight into his eyes terrified and somehow got the question out “what happened to Bobby?’. His eyes were beat red and his voice was shaking. He starred right back and said “Son, I have some really bad news… your brother was killed in a car accident last night”. That was the worst pain that I have ever felt; I’d rather have been shot and died a painful death than have heard those words. I remember my chest felt like it had caved in on itself. My arms and hands were so weak I couldn’t move them, and just complete numbness came over my whole body. My family piled outside after me trying to comfort me but there was nothing they could do. My Brother Matt put his arms around me and I didn’t let go of him for forever it seemed like. I never wanted to let go. Bobby was my best friend; he was the closest person that I had. I felt like I let him down not being there for him that night. I was always looking out for him; I never let anything bad happen to him. I loved him so much; I never knew how much he meant to me until he was gone.

            One night within the week after, I was missing him like crazy; looking through all of his pictures seemed to comfort me more than anything else because I was in a ton of them. I found a picture he took from about a month before and it was of a tribal tattoo that he drew up in class. He was an artist he always was drawing something. He told me that when he turned 18 that he wanted to get this tattoo with all of the brothers and wear it as a symbol of brotherhood because that was something very special to us. My cousin Jake and I would let him draw all of his tattoo designs on us; they were in sharpie so it was on us for at least a week or so, but now were so happy he did. We forgot all about those, they actually looked really good. We took the best picture that we had and redrew it on paper. I put the word brother in there and we all decided that we need to get it. So all my older brothers talked me into it; that was my argument to my parents. I’m actually still surprised that they let me get it, they weren't too happy about it; but they had nothing to say because it was wrong to argue against it.

            The whole point of getting that was to remember Bobby for everything that he was. We have the strongest brotherhood I've ever known. I think that’s awesome that all of my brothers and I have that now. To us it means an unbreakable brotherhood and it will never let us forget our brother Bobby. It’s amazing how much of an affect he had on people and how many lives he touched. If you met him, you would never forget him. I’m glad that I have this design on me that Bobby made and I can look at it every day for the rest of my life and know how much meaning it truly has behind it. I will never forget my little brother, but I know there are going to be times when I won’t always be thinking of him. Bobby was really a big part of me and I know I was a big part of him. This can just be a reminder of Bobby and how much of an impact he had on my life to make me want to put his design on me permanently, now he really is a part of me.

            

The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow

“The sun will rise tomorrow. It always does, and all the wishing in the world for the way things were, or for what they could have been, won't change that. It won't change how things are.” 

  -Elizabeth Scott 


I absolutely love this picture of Bobby. I miss that sweet smile and those big brown eyes more than ever these past few days. If I close my eyes I can put myself right there next to him... warm sunny day in McCall. We're in the boat, feet up, rocking through the waves, sunshine on our faces and an occasional cold splash from the water below. Maybe we're telling stories, laughing. Or simply laying there enjoying another summer day. I've been there too many times to count but all I want is to be in that boat, beneath the sunshine- with him.

A New Year Brings New Challenges

2012 is a year I'll never forget. We seemed to survive the 'world ending' but this world is certainly different. As the seasons continue to change, so do the emotions that tag along. This year will be full of challenges for each of us. Yesterday marked four months since losing Bobby- where did the time go? It feels like just yesterday I saw him running around with Luke, laughing, having fun.

As the snow is finally sticking, I think of Bobby often. He loved snowboarding with his buddies every chance he got.. some of the best days were on the mountain with him. I recently spent the day at Bogus and all I could think was that he should have been there with us. On the drive up we had an extra seat up front, the emptiness was hard to ignore- that's where Bobby should have been. Even on the slopes I could feel him missing. He used to wear a bright blue jacket with block numbers on the sleeve- I saw someone wearing the exact same jacket. It was impossible not to do a double take, to have a tiny thread of hope expecting somehow, it would be him.

While spending time in McCall each season reminds me of different memories with Bobby. Covered in snow, I picture him building jumps in the backyard and sledding down the steepest paths he could find. I remember him as a little kid with the cutest one piece, maroon snowsuit and rosy cheeks. Or trips to Brundage from the first year he learned to ski, to this last winter on his new snowboard. Snowmobiling, walking across the ice, snowball fights, trips to the gravel pit and sledding... he's everywhere.

I can only imagine what kind of snowboarding he's doing in heaven. I know he's right there beside us in everything we do- he wouldn't miss it.

I love you Bobby, missing you every day.

Christmas in Heaven

Christmas morning feels much different this year. An empty stocking, a name missing under the tree, and a bed unslept-in. We are missing him a little extra this morning... but we know he's having a very special Christmas in heaven this year.

Merry Christmas everyone. Don't forget what today is all about-- send a little Christmas prayer up there for us.

... and Merry Christmas to our angel Bobby, we love you buddy. 

 

Bobby Lee

I believe a person's name says a lot about them. Robert was the name he was born with, but he was always Bobby to us. He was named after our grandpa who goes by Bob. I always wondered if Bobby would ever go by something else as he got older.. I think Bobby suited him perfectly. I wanted to write a little bit about the person he was to me and what I think of when I hear his name.

“People with this name tend to initiate events, to be leaders rather than followers, with powerful personalities. They tend to be focused on specific goals, experience a wealth of creative new ideas, and have the ability to implement these ideas with efficiency and determination. They tend to be courageous and creative, unique individuals." 

B -------  b r a v e. 

Bobby was always the first one in line to take risks and try something crazy. He loved the adrenalin rush and feeling of accomplishment... okay, and showing off. On a family road trip we stopped off at Lava, Idaho to swim in the big hot springs there. As we were pulling up to the parking lot we spotted three diving platforms. They were REALLY high. Instantly, Luke and Bobby and I started talking smack and making bets on who would chicken out at the top. Next thing I knew the three of us were climbing up the never-ending ladder getting higher and higher. The second we reached the top I admit, I wanted to climb right back down. Before I even had a chance to change his mind, Bobby had ran off the edge and jumped. I couldn't believe he actually did it. I turned around to see Luke climbing back down the  ladder (that was my plan) but I couldn't be shown up by my little brother. With shaky legs and poor judgement, I jumped-- but ONLY to prove to Bobby that I could.

I think back to the last night of Bobby’s life. I imagine him there that night, as brave as can be. I can’t imagine what he was thinking, seeing or feeling but I do know he had a very brave heart and I'm confident that he wasn't scared.


O ------- o b s e r v a n t. 

Bobby paid close attention to everything in life. He always kept up on the latest music, movies, video games, styles and anything that was “in”. He took notes from his big brothers on how to handle crazy teenage girls, he learned how to work on cars and build things from watching his dad, he learned compassion and how to make friends from his mom. He also learned how to defend himself thanks to me- his big sister.

Bobby knew how much he was loved. He knew this through watching our family love each other- through the good times and the bad. He knew we would always be there for him no matter what and that we would do anything for him.


B ------- b r o t h e r. 

With two older brothers, an older sister and four older brothers in Colorado, Bobby was the baby. We had him to rock and hold as a newborn, as a diaper changing chore, as a little minion and as a friend. He was so funny, anyone around him was guaranteed a laugh. I loved when he would ask me for advice and listen to my sisterly words of wisdom. He was fun to pick on, to learn from and to spend time with. I can't believe how much I already miss him.

Our family will never feel complete without him. A sibling is someone who can never be replaced.. we won’t try to. We’ll be the best brothers and sister to each other that we can, for us and for Bobby.


B ------- b r i g h t. 

What 16 year old turns down a trip to Disney World for school? And then Hawaii? Bobby was extremely committed to keeping his straight A’s. He had somehow found the perfect balance between class and his social life. I was impressed every time that report card made it under the coveted spotlight on the refrigerator. Bobby had book smarts, common sense and wit. His brightness was more than just intelligence.

He had the biggest, brightest smile. Though you were lucky to see it the past few years.. He had the cutest little smirk paired with his notorious dimples- that was usually the smile we saw until someone made him laugh.

While looking through old pictures recently, I've found a few where Bobby is wearing white and he is literally glowing. He has a light all around his body that is undeniable. I can only imagine that light today... the brightest of angels.


Y ------- y o u n g. 

Bobby told my mom that he “never wanted to grow up”. He wanted to stay young forever.. he turned 16 in May. I teased him about his ‘sweet 16’ and he made sure I knew “those are for girls”. I’ll never understand why he had to go so young but I will always have his perfect 16 year old image in my mind. If he could choose how everyone would remember him I’m sure he’s pretty content. Handsome, athletic, great smile, mastered hair flip, and the body builder physique I've never seen on another teenager.

I've been having a lot of dreams about Bobby since he passed away. A few of them he’s a little boy when I see him. I wish I knew what that meant, I guess I’ll always picture him very young... too young. Even though his time was short, I know that Bobby had a very full life- full of friends, family, fun and surrounded by love.

-- thank you for reading and please, if you have siblings make sure they know how much you love them. Hug them often and love them always. "Hold tightly to those which you cherish."

Someone Needs You

Always remember this. 

Embrace Life

I would give anything to have been there to hold Bobby, to keep him safe that night. I know we all would. Wear your seat belts, think of your loved ones. Cherish the beautiful life you live.