I've had happy days remembering him and laughing through memories of fun times. I've had sad and dark days where nothing makes sense and all I want is to understand the 'why'. I've had angry days where I question the bigger plan and wish the past could somehow be altered. There have been countless ups and downs, tears, celebrations and quiet days.
If I could revisit life before September 9th, 2012 I would sit him down for the mushiest big sister speech he'd ever get- he would try stopping me the second it started, most definitely.
I would start by telling him I'm pleasantly surprised as to how cool he turned out. As our youngest sibling, we had our doubts. He survived the early years of pestering and pranking, he adapted to sarcasm and bribery, learned how to deal with a big sister... the one who learned how to love his friendship. My goodness, he was cool.
I would tell him how inspiring he is. How his intelligence, his physical talent, eager spirit and his lovable personality would take him far. He was so easy to be around, so goofy and full of smiles. When he wanted something, he was determined to get it one way or another. His morals and his outlook on life made me look up to him.
I would remind him that he and I got the good genes. He would come to agree that we are alike in so many ways. The organized/OCD siblings, the ones who hate being late, the ones with a sense of style, the two who know forgiveness and who wear their feelings on their sleeves.
Lastly, I would explain to him how much I love him. How being his big sister is such a blessing. Watching him grow up and being a part of his life was an adventure that I will never forget. I would make sure he knew how much he means to me, how I won't live a day without thinking about him and missing him.
I know that Bobby is here. He's here in many ways and often when I have no idea, I'm sure. I'd like to think he knew all of these things... that I did my duty as his big sister and showed him along the way.
The last two years have been full of challenges, along with some pretty great accomplishments. "Doing it for Bobby" has really encouraged me to take risks, push myself and overcome some big obstacles. Life is precious and as we've learned it can be taken away in an instant. My life will continue to be full of adventure in Bobby's honor because at the end of the day, he's right there with me.